Asthe afternoon sped by I regretted the passage of time which broughtcloser and closer the resumption of my role as professor andbreadwinner.CHAPTER 11In an effort to thank Joan for her thoughtfulness I started early toprepare a supper of her favourite foods. My apparent success in havingeverything just right did not seem to be noticed. She greeted me at thedoor with a perfunctory kiss and seemed lost in the newspaper untilcalled to the table. So quiet was she during the meal that I was forcedto ask, "What do you think of the veal cutlets that I cooked especiallyfor you?" She acknowledged that she was pleased and then relapsed intofurther silence. After the meal she returned to the newspaper while Icleared the table and loaded the dishwasher.By a quarter to seven the kitchen was cleared up and I venturedsomewhat reluctantly, "I guess it's time to make the change."Joan was slow to answer. "You know," she returned, "I've beenthinking." She paused again, then continued in a stronger. Why I wasn’t enough for her? I couldn’t exorcise her imagined transgressions which meant that I found it hard to even kiss her and my cock refused to cooperate when she tried to entice me. Elin likes sex a lot but more than that she likes kissing and caressing, all the physical expressions of love. I might just as well have hit her when they stopped. My forced attempts at intimacy only made things worse. In a month she had moved out. I won’t repeat some of the things I said, suffice it to say that I am deeply ashamed and hold myself largely responsible for the breakdown of a wonderful relationship. Elin’s departure created a problem for me. At the beginning of autumn Jo’s mother Kerstin had asked me if we would mind taking care Jo over christmas. The rest of the family was planning a trip to Thailand but Jo was afraid of flying and a journey that long was out of the question for her. None of their family or friends could take her so she had asked us as a last resort. Now I had to.
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